Spock takes a leave of absence from the Enterprise to get his groove on!
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Written by Todd Womack, Bryan Olsen, and Mark Douglas
Directed by Tom Small
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LYRICS:
KIRK
Captain's Log Stardate 4307.1 First Officer Spock seems to be entering Pon Far which is period every 7 years where Vulcans essentially go into heat. It seems that if they don't mate with another suitable mate during this Pon far, they could go mad, or even die. I'm going to have to start using that excuse on my dates.
DR. MCCOY
Good one, Jim.
KIRK
Thank you, Bones. Needless to say, Spock is hornier than a 3 peckered Tribble on prom night, and has requested R and R. Permission Granted, Spock. Find a cave for that trouser snake before it is too late.
SPOCK
(Awwwfirmative Girl)
It is clear to me that our bodies were made for reproduction
So let me now begin with the act of sweet seduction
We are subject to extinction if we do not reproduce.
So sip on this Earth potion known as Gin and Juice.
Did you know our nerves are stimulated by basic touch?
VULCAN GIRL
Yes, your hand is on my thigh and I enjoy that very much
SPOCK
Allow me to apply the vulcan grip of pleasure
They say Vulcans have little to no blood pressure
but my pulse is racing at approximately warp 4
in response to knowledge that I most likely will score
You're clearly getting wild, and ready for action
In that regard you are not unlike the Captain
Just relax, for tonight you are not my subordinate
Mr. Scott, beam some fine champagne to our coordinates
With every sip you take your desire grows stronger
Like Mr. Scott says
"I don't think she can take it much longer"
(CHORUS)
Together we will copulate
so our species can repopulate
Tonight I got my phaser set for love
VULCAN GIRL
After that exceptional and technical night
It is logical that you and I will be mates for life
SPOCK
Ooh, this talk of forever comes as quite a surprise
And they do not allow girlfriends aboard the Enterprise
Like a Klingon after a meal I'm afraid I must depart.
VULCAN GIRL
While you're at it, reach though my side and rip out my heart
That was irrational I am sorry that I yelled
SPOCK
Let us forgo the talking and perform a mind meld.
*Mind Meld*
Your feelings are valid, and I appreciate that
Wow, 9 o'clock already, I must be getting back
I have given you all that I can currently offer
So take care of that life form, live long, and prosper.
VULCAN GIRL
He already forgot my name
Now I must do the beam of shame
First I'll shower then I'll get revenge.
Spock!!
KIRK
Ahh Spock you've returned, you look calm and relaxed
don't keep us in suspense man, did you hit that
SPOCK
Affirmative Captain, but it ended quite badly
KIRK
So often is the case with space relationships, sadly.
Women are a puzzle like the earths Rubik's cube
SPOCK
Not entirely dissimilar from the Kobayashi Maru
KIRK
An unwinnable test, an impossible course,
SPOCK
That is why 40% of Vulcan marriages end in divorce
KIRK
Is that a fact?
SPOCK
Affirmative, Captain.
KIRK
Aww yeah, that's a fat groove. Turn that up, Bones.
DR. MCCOY
Damnit, Jim I'm a doctor not a D.J.
SPOCK
Bones is such a dick.
VULCAN GIRL
Spock I'm coming for you
I'll be back in part 2